I have come to realize that I was in an existential crisis for most of my childhood, trapped by my circumstances and completely hopeless. I dreaded nighttime when the world got dark and my fears and worries became more severe. The majority of my life was spent in confusion and disappointment which quickly turned to anger. Being a child was difficult and I couldn’t imagine how much worse it would get as I got older.
The funny thing was—as I got older—the darkness slowly lifted. The new-found freedom I gained allowed me to experience life the way I truly wanted to. I was no longer trapped.
During high school I found Jesus.
And once I got to college, I was still trying to find myself. I dated along the way and came to the conclusion that I wasn’t meant to be happily married: God wanted me to have a different focus while on Earth and I was okay with that. As much as I always wanted that perfect fairy tale romance, it made more sense to just accept the fact that I didn’t deserve it or that it didn’t exist.
It wasn’t long after this realization I met my soul mate and best friend—he is now my husband.
I’m still awestruck by the way my life turned out.
Most people are filled with hope and wonder as children and watch it evaporate one harsh reality after the next. For me I realize things were completely different.